Step 1: Admitting the Problem.
Hi my name is Johanna
johannaoh
Dear Ana,

I have to admit, this isn't the first time I have turned to you. But I hope it would be the last. No... I'm determine for this to be the last time.
My name is Johanna. I'm 19 years old and I'm morbidly obese.

There I said it. I'm morbidly obese.

I weigh 120kg, maybe more. I have weighed over 70kg since I was 13 years old. I have no friends, I'm terrified of doing daily activities. And I make myself sick.
For as long as I remember, I have been overweight. My entire teens have been in this fat suit I call a body. I've never had a boyfriend nor have I had any man look at me in a way where they think they could have feelings for me, let alone be my friend. I'm depressed. I cut myself, I have been doing so since I was 12 years old. My entire right thigh is covered in deep scars that, unfortunately, will be there for the rest of my life. Defining me and allowing people to judge my pain.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think I can handle another year of me being overweight. I think if I turn 20 and I am still this size, let alone in the 100kg range, I will kill myself. I can't do it. I can't stand it anymore.

I'm turning to you, to this website, to hopefully find it within myself to change. I've starved, vomited and exercised compulsively at various stages in my life. I've lost a lot of weight doing so but I always give into this disgusting monster in my head telling me to eat more, and more and more.

More. The word that pretty much defines me.

But not anymore, I am ready to take my life into my hands and stop feeling sorry for myself. LESS will be my word. Discipline. I refuse to do this to myself anymore.

I will blog everything. This will be my outlet. And hopefully - people will start to read. People will start to understand me and finally I can feel like someone is out there finally listening.

Wish me luck.

Forever yours,

Johanna.

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